So No Android Surrogate?
by PissyNovelist
Summary: My series of rebelious, cute, and romantic oneshot fanfiction about my lack of enjoyment for android!GLaDOS story overage. I find not enough people writing ChellDOS in the form GLaDOS was originally given, and I thought the challenge would be nice.
1. No Android? Challenge Accepted

**I hate ChellDOS; android!GLaDOS fics! It's not that they're not well written. Most all of the Android/Human!GLaDOS fics are incredible. It's the concept of it. I think people make GLaDOS human/android because it's more convenient to write a romance based on two human forms.**

**Well, I like the challenge.**

**When life gives you lemons, right? XD**

Chell sat crossed legged upon the swivel chair within GLaDOS' chamber. She span herself in circles until she felt sick, then stopped and watched her world contort, and continue spinning.

"I'm not cleaning that up if you make yourself sick. Which at this rate? Is an inevitable circumstance." GLaDOS drawled, earning a silent laugh from Chell. She stopped spinning and pulled her knees to her chest. She sat in her usual Aperture singlet and new black shorts GLaDOS had managed to find. GLaDOS pulled her golden optic away from the screens and to the test subject before her. The human pointed at the screens and shrugged softly.

"Oh, Blue and Orange? They are… surviving. It's no fun really. I don't even get to put them back together. Are you sure you don't want to test? Even just a few chambers? I promise to behave." GLaDOS claw crossed over the lower left part of her chassis, but Chell wasn't buying it. If her claws could cross, Chell was almost sure they would have. The brunette took her claw into her hand, holding the cool metal to her face. GLaDOS moved her claw in a stroking motion against her cheek, earning a cheeky grin from Chell.

"Don't get like that. I need something to play with while Orange and Blue are being reassembled." Chell looked up at the AI with her gun metal eyes and pouty, full lips. GLaDOS was sure that if she had a heart, it would melt every time she did that.

"I have a proposal." Chell raised an eyebrow, removing the AI's claw from her face into her lap, both hands clasped over the metal.

"I know you don't want to hear it again, but I have to offer. It would be much easier to preform that disgusting human act if I was in an android body. It wouldn't be to hard really. I can always transfer myself back." Chell shook her head softly, placing her lips to GLaDOS' claw. The AI pretended not to notice and kept talking.

"I could still run most of the facility and even collect data. Imagine… I can fulfill your need for primal coitus needs, and you fulfill my need of collecting data of real touch, smell, sight, and even taste." GLaDOS widened her optic, trying to look as cute as possible, still receiving a stronger negative shake of the head. She disliked not getting her way, which happened quite often with this chubby little human.

_Her_ chubby little human.

"Why not? Are you so brain damaged that you find sexual attraction to a computer? I know you call whatever… we happen to be 'dating', but that's not how it works. It really can't work between a computer and a human… not that I want it to. It's fine, though. Not like I need to give into your needs of coitus, and I don't have any-hey… where are you going?" Chell stood with a smirk, running her hands upon the small version of GLaDOS' mainframe that sat up a set of stairs. The chassis followed her the entire way, optic glowing with curiosity. Chell placed a single finger upon a tiny lever sitting upright in the middle of the stand.

"Don't you even."

Chell looked up with an innocent smile, pushing the lever up a few pegs. A sound bite of a breathless gasp rented the room, coaxing Chell to push the lever up. She watched happily and GLaDOS twisted and shook with euphoria coursing through her wires. The light within the golden optic began to flicker for the briefest of moments. She gave no moment for thought, pushing the lever to not exactly the top. It sat barley three forth of an inch from the one hundred percent euphoria levels.

"Stop that… stoooo-," her voice began to fade behind waves of pleasure threatening to shut off all data processing systems ", either f-f-finsh the job or reeeeeturn it to the middle upright le-e-evel."

Chell tapped her foot and crossed her arms, looking up into the optic. She wasn't backing down from any single challenge now. This mad AI almost burned her alive, got her killed, sent her to the moon, and made her feel something strange for something that wasn't exactly alive. Chell believed she deserved this one win. GLaDOS disagreed, trying to get the last word in even with an overbearing euphoria surging through her.

"**Insert test subject name here**, plea-a-a-ase finnnnnish…"

Chell tapped a finger against her forearm.

"Chell…"

She decided that was good enough, pushing the lever to the top of its capacity. Chell smirked smugly, watching GLaDOS contort her wires and moan in ways she didn't think existed in her sound files. Chell brought the lever back to the middle position, meeting GLaDOS' weak chassis and holding the sides within her small hands.

"No android?" GLaDOS' voice files sounded choppy, and breathy. Chell smirked and nodded, holding GLaDOS closer to her chest.

**And that would be my gigantic fuck you to the overage of android!GLaDOS stories.**

**Again, they are all well written but there are to many XD**

**xoxoPN**


	2. Robot Kiss

**Due to the ideas that started popping up after the first chapter, I've decided to make this a series of oneshots that I'm going to update at me own will and need XD**

**Enjoy the ride XD**

"This would be much easier if I was an android. I can't do anything back. You know, to get the data from this… for science." GLaDOS chimed in, earning a playful smack from the human stroking the side of her chassis. Chell tilted her head a few times, not quite sure how to go the act GLaDOS had repeatedly called vile.

"I prefer you not press your lips to my glass. I just cleaned it. If I was an android…" Chell raised two eyebrows, a smirk over coming her. She placed a sloppy kiss against the glass, running away to the door in silent laughter. GLaDOS snarled, grabbing Chell around the waist using her claw. She was lifted off the groud to meet the golden optic. Chell waved and smiled, holding in her laughter. She rubbed the arm of the claw, waiting for GLaDOS to speak.

"Clean it, and we can forget this ever happened." Chell snorted, pointing towards the paper and red pencil crayon upon the desk. GLaDOS sighed, giving them to her. Chell scribbled, then holding the paper to her chassis.

_You don't want to forget._

"That's obsurd. Forgetting the orifice you stuff food into touching my beautiful glass is something I wish to forget." Chell simply shook her head, knowing the AI was lying. Another sigh emitted from her voice files.

"Fine. You win. Now get out of my sight." GLaDOS set Chell down off to her own accord. Chell waved, dragging her long fall boots out the door. She wandered the facility, hoping GLaDOS would calm down soon.

Chell wasn't entirely sure what made her return to the facility. She found a town full of people, thrived in society, had a job, and even had a few boys looking into her. But the wheat field seemed to call her name. On the night of a date with a man whose name Chell had no wish to recall, she ran through the town, back to the edge of the wheat field. Her knee high black high heels that she bought for the soul purpose of reminding her of Aperture had turned brown from the mud. The black dress she had bought was also wet from the rain. Chell distinctly remembered the way the strands of wheat stuck to her legs and arms. She pounded so hard on the door, her knuckles were bleeding… and for some reason GLaDOS had let her in. Chell had noticed that, over time, the AI had become less annoyed with her and that her insults became more playful than hurtful. Chell wouldn't say whatever they had was perfect, but she would say it was a definite relationship. They just loved to tease each other.

Chell liked to look at it as twenty-four seven foreplay… and when Chell found them? She knew it was going to be a fun night.

Chell strolled up to the AI's main chamber, her leverage in hand. She opened the door, and stood next her GLaDOS who was watching Blue and Orange test.

"Come to apologize for the remaining saliva left upon my glass? What is that you have in your hand…"

Chell proudly showed the red breasted robin in a cage in her right hand, a piece of carpet in the other. GLaDOS scanned Chell over, seeing she wore a pair of mismatched fuzzy socks from Caroline's abandoned wardrobe. If GLaDOS could have laughed until she cried, she was more than sure she would have.

"What are you doing with that little monster? Put it back where you found it." Chell placed the carpet on the floor. She knew GLaDOS and her could have a conversation without needing to say a word.

"I see. This is because I wouldn't-oh, I mean couldn't kiss you back, correct? I see what you're getting it. If I don't manage to deliver, you'll sick that bird on me."

Chell nodded.

"Blackmail?"

Chell nodded again.

"… I… taught you well."

Chell rubbed her fuzzy socks against the carpet for a moment until she felt content. She motioned GLaDOS to come closer. Without a word, she moved her chassis until she was mere inched from the human. Chell leaned to her side, a static induced shook hitting her lips. She jumped back and gasped, yet fully content with the pain she was feeling. It was technically a kiss, it was simply a robot kiss. Chell placed the robin outside the door and took off the socks with a triumphant smile.

"Shut up." GLaDOS grumbled.

**More to come, I promise!**

**xoxoPN**


End file.
